i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
