Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
