so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
