he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
