Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize