I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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