I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
