So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
