Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
