If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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