I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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