Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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