you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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