Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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