Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
