there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
