ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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