Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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