what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
