Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
