Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
