I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
