Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
