The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i came on her dog
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
