i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
