I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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