I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
