i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
