this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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