Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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