everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
