The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
