There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
