whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
