i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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