why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bring money and cleavage
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
