...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
what day is it and did you see me today?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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