We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
