Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
