I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize