You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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