he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The air was thick with penises
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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