Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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