a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
