Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Actions speak louder than pants.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
