The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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