There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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