I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this just has baby written all over it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Oh god it's open bar.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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