drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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