My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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