i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
