What a fucking waste of an outfit
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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