actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
