he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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