How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
