Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
