Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
