How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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