Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
