i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
