evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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