Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
