Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize