also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
