You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
