the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
