haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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