I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
