My brain says no but my pants say off.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize