$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
