Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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