I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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