I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
