YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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