I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
