I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize