i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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