I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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