I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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