I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
