You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
