margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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