He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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