Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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