I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
