When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
