I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
did you just send me my own nude
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
