and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
