In America we eat man semen.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The uberlube is also flammable
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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