I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fuck appropriateness.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
