I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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