mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
