It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
