I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
