at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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