I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
