hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
